hillary: i saw you

The worst thing happened and the next day she walked quietly, gracefully out of sight.

It devastated me, what she’d lost. I was a woman too. I had ambitions too. I, too, have been misunderstood.

She's smarter, more worldly than me and she’s faced bigger obstacles in pursuit of accomplishment. So it must’ve hurt. A lot. Especially when she knew every trick in the old boys club and could beat them at their game and change the rules. 



For the good of all.

If we let her.

But we didn’t.

And a month later my sadness, my madness, continues. I should've called everyone, knocked on every door. I should've invited each and every person I know to my blog where I posted art and writing about the good life and work of Hillary.

But I didn't.

And now we're in trouble. And I don't know what to do or say. Except this...

Dear Women in My Life,

I am you. You are me. We are us. Old, young, in great health or just fair, with wealth or struggling, college degree or not. We have children, or we don’t. We’re married, divorced, widowed. Straight, lesbian, bi. Born female or transitioning. With religion or atheist. Or somewhere in-between. In any event, we are women. We. Are. Us.

So, when a large chunk of gals shrug their shoulders, apathetic or annoyed, and decide not to vote and when 53% of white women decide to cast a ballot for the most divisive, elite, dangerous, corrupt group in the history of our country, I must ask, did you think of me when you made your voting decision? Because I thought of you.

I thought of your pain. Your hurt. Your struggle and sacrifice. I thought of your past, your future, your dreams and goals. I thought of your fears. I thought of you and refused to fall for propaganda parading as fake news and the persistent lies and made-for-television drama from the Republican side. I read. I researched. I learned the facts from long-time credible sources. I thought of you, and all the women like you, who have been bullied or punished for being smart, motivated, interesting, success-seeking. Like Hillary. I thought about equality and equity and how you're worth investing in and deserve of a fair shake. And because I have no reason to exaggerate or mislead you, I won't mince words... Without Hillary in the White House, it was less likely that you'd get the prosperous, joyful life you're after, so I thought of you and voted blue. Because when you do well, I do well. We are us.

Now, if you're one of those who didn't vote for Hillary and I'm hurting your feelings, making you mad, or you think I'm full of shit, I understand. But please remember, we are stronger together. And if we keep to the trail she was blazing, it'll be for the good of us. For the good of all.

So, a favor...

More than ever before women must resist the urge to look the other way. We must not say we're too busy, too tired, too overwhelmed. We must, in fact, make a decent and noble sacrifice and get involved in politics. Politics of women, by women, for women. We can't waste any (wo)manpower. Because it's going to take every one of us to stand up and speak out in the name of what's truthful and right and good. We have to talk to each other, our Congressional representatives. We have to make phone calls, write letters, sign petitions. We have to cast a wide net with our democratic efforts. Yes, democratic. Women need to be tough, persistent Democrats. It's our only hope. Sincerely. Truly. And if we come together, women of all colors and kinds, if we embody The Gender Gap, women will change the economy, the environment. Politics. Culture. Women will change the world.

In peace and love,

Rhonda

PS: If you need help finding a path to daily activism, follow me on Twitter and watch my posts and retweets. You'll find researched, reliable news and links to suggested actions and people and stories that open the mind and grow the heart. Also, humor and bossy-pants opinions. Mine and others.

Fiction must stick to facts, and the truer the facts the better the fiction...so we are told.

Virginia Woolf
A Room of One's Own

Human happiness, the happiness of writers...questions by which we, in our age, seem enthralled...do not enter these pages.

What is important, what is essential, is that works of genius be created. In that writers' unhappiness interferes with their creation, one should be concerned with the happiness of writers. The important thing is that they must express reality; they must express their genius, not themselves. They must illuminate their own souls, but they must not allow the souls to get in the way of reality. For pitted against reality, against the great tradition of immortal literature, the self is puny; it is of no interest.

Mary Gordon, in the Foreword of Virginia Woolf's A Room of One's Own

hillary: i see you

Four Days until Election Day & I'm still obsessed with the

The Forty-Five Pin Project

What Is It: 
A campaign button collection that includes 
29 large pins & 16 sets of smaller pins (not shown)

Who Made Them: 
Artists & Graphic Designers supporting HRC for President

Why Did I Buy This:
It's clever, makes me smile, and backs both my candidate AND artists...
in other words, gongoozler art love at first sight
(click on the link above to view the full collection & each artist)

hillary: i see you

eight days until the election

hillary: 

stay focused. 

ignore the nonsense.

it's about a better future.

me: 

stay focused. 

ignore the nonsense.

it's about better art. but...

i'd like a better future too.

and i think 

(hope, dream, wish, believe) 

it's on its way.

Maps are art, we know that. Here they're also political...and gongoozle-worthy. The simple installation is a pleasing next to the busy, information-packed pieces. Each map is connected by shape and color. And we must ask: why is that particular section highlighted, blocked out? We step closer. Different places. We step back. But familiar, every one.

Horacio Zabala, Mapping the Monochrome

hillary: i see you

Have you ever been on the receiving end of aggressive name-calling by the opposite sex?

I have, many times, and it always hurts.

On occasion, it's also bolstered my spirited or helped me dig in my heels so my voice would be heard. In other moments, my male counterpart didn't have to call me a name to hurt me. He just had to assume a loud or condescending tone of voice, cut me off mid-sentence, or argue with me about something minor, trivial, inconsequential. For me, the voice, the words, the conversational style are everything when I consider whether a man respects me or not. Even standing taller, stepping closer, imposing on my personal space doesn't rattle me like verbal confrontations with a pushy, rude, arrogant, or scary guy. The thing is, words matter.

It's been several days since the third debate and Trump's "Nasty Woman" slur continues to make news. On one hand, it's become a badge of honor and has inspired many good jokes. On the other, women everywhere are pausing and remembering a time when they were the target of harmful comments or labels. In the end, there are a few things girls and women can do to maintain personal power.

1. Vote. Preferably for Hillary.

2. Be informed. If you need more information about Hillary and the idea of female power, Michael Moore's film Trumpland is a good place to start.

3. Be you. And that means....

Being as persistent and serious as you want to make your point.

Being as big and loud as you want with your laughter and joy.

Being as passionate and intense and emotional as you want when standing up for what you believe.

Ladies, gals, women of all political stripes, this is our time. Don't tune out or give in to apathy or frustration. Go learn what Hillary has done and will do for women and the people women care about and care for. Go learn why we need a Nasty Woman for President.

*photo credits, Harper's Bizarre, CNN still photography, NBC News still photograpy

smalls: neat, little shit

smalls /smÔls/   noun   1. term used by collectors to describe neat, little shit

Today's Small: cheap and fancy, vintage rings purchased 

alongside dubble-bubble gum, candy necklaces, and jolly ranchers on

cross country family road trips

rainbows: everywhere

a rainbow of reds

hillary: i see you

on a lighter note...

hillary: i see you

Dear Lady Voters,

There are 23 days until the election, and if you've tuned out, it's time to tune back in. Even if it's only for the 27 minutes it takes to watch this week's call to action by Michelle Obama.

If you've heard about Michelle's heartfelt speech, but haven't seen it, I'll tell you that once you see and hear Michelle you'll realize why none of us can continue looking the other way while the opposing candidate makes excuses for and jokes about his hideous behavior in the now infamous bus video where he degrades women. Never has there been a more important time for both women and men to say enough is enough. And, Lady Voters, it's up to us to stand up, stand tall, and prove to the entire world that American women, regardless of their political leanings, will unite and demand decency and equality. Because this is not one moment in time for the Republican candidate. This is a deeply embedded character flaw and no one running for President should say, "I'm sorry, but..."

There are no buts about it. Saying it is wrong, laughing about it is wrong, and his on-going degradation of the women coming forward to say it happened to them is not only wrong, but disgusting. Further, by dismissing it as locker room talk, he disrespects men.

So, what do we do?

Well, in this political climate it can feel scary to share your opinion or correct a misguided statement. But Lady Voters, please do not let fear quiet your voices. The most powerful tools we have are our brains, hearts, and voices, and if those are in good working order, we'll be okay. By good working order, I mean that one must be informed with facts (brain), confident in their position (heart), and practiced at graceful delivery (voice). And if you happen to be someone who isn't convinced Hillary deserves your vote, but you want to speak out against the antiquated and oppressive woman-shaming, I encourage you to research Hillary and both the Democratic and Republican parties.

Here's the truth...

Democrats (and Hillary) are for sensible, active government, because sensible, active governments help people prosper. Democrats (and Hillary) are for equality for all, because we may look, sound, love, or worship differently, but we're all human and deserve the same opportunities. Democrats (and Hillary) are also for lifting everyone up, including and especially women, who serve as the majority of caregivers for the aging and caretakers of children, all while adding value to workplaces and propelling the economy in creative ways.

All I can say about the Republican platform is that it contains principles that divide, control, and help only a few. Their ideas are outdated, especially when it comes to women.

And please (please, please) don't fall for the fiction that that Hillary is untrustworthy and has even turned on girls or women. I promise you, I've done the research and in her personal and political history, she hasn't stepped on other women to get ahead. She may dismiss accusations with an air of coolness or ignore allegations, but that's because the claims are nonsense and she is drive to focus on the important things that need to be done for our country. Just remember this, she may play to win, but she isn't corrupt.

And this, I believe, is why Michelle, 17 years younger than Hillary, is driven to defend Hillary's candidacy. In Michelle's generation, our differences began falling away because good ideas mattered more. In Michelle's generation, glass ceilings existed, but women were rising, and fast. And because Michelle's generation lies between Hillary's and that of her daughters, her perspective is unique.

In one direction, she looks back and sees older women putting on armor and assuming a tough or manly persona to achieve success. In the other, she looks forward and sees young women just being themselves to reach their goals. In essence, Michelle's speech thanks the bridge that carried women over. And now, women voters must show their gratitude to past generations too. By discussing the truth, outing the lies, and casting ballots for the most qualified candidate in presidential history. Who happens to be a woman.

tenderness. where is it?

hillary: i see you

The summer issue of Ms. Magazine featured an important article titled The Gender Gap. In it, they prove that women can rule the vote and sway any election.

At this important juncture, with 29 days until the election and the opposing party's candidate trying to incite disdain between and infighting among women, females of all political stripes must refuse to turn on each other.

In the end, if you are or have a mother, sister, wife, or daughter...if you are a friend of women...please cast your vote for Hillary Clinton. No one in recent history has more drive and ability to promote gender equality and equality is good for the whole family.

Republican women, Independent and Green Party women, women who've never voted, Democratic women welcome you to this movement. You're our sisters and we're looking out for you too.

smalls - neat, little shit

smalls /smÔls/   noun   1. term used by collectors to describe neat, little shit

Today's Small: a handmade, miniature Spanish Colonial house as keepsake box

i mean...

It's been months since I wrote about a book I adored and ogled. Not because I haven't read or seen any books deserving of gongoozler love, but because a full schedule limits the time I have to write all the things these books deserve to have said about them. 

Recently, though, I moved into a new studio space and began unpacking loads of items I haven't seen in a year. Suddenly, I had a book in my hands that could be described simply while still getting its due. It seemed appropriate that this book reignite my book love series.

Surf to Skate - Evolution to Revolution Volume 1

It's easy to gongoozle a book with a unique shape and size, but Surf to Skate also includes snippets of history and enlarged photographs of unique skateboards from the 50s and 60s. More than that, the most wonderful thing is that this art book has soul. A coolness, a freedom. Like skateboarding itself.

In real life, vintage skateboards look a bit like this:

They can be pretty beat-up and gnarly. Unless one spends some decent cash for mint boards. Personally, as a not-so-serious collector, I like to see where previous riders put their feet or clipped a curb or scuffed the tail when tipping on a tight curve. It gives me the same feeling I get when I see the hand of an artist in their work. I connect instantly, human to human, and I know the work...or in this case, the board...better.

This is one reason I like Surf to Skate by Stanton Hartsfield and Jason Cohn.

The authors curated boards that clearly belonged to skaters. Skaters who loved and honored their boards. In the photographs, we see the wood grains and stains, construction, and graphics in great detail, but not in a perfect, never-been-ridden way. This elevates my collector experience without having to invest in expensive boards.

Photography - a Nash Goofy Foot skateboard

History - the story of the Wards Department Store board

Graphics - Dominion, out of Canada, puts their spin on art

When I was a kid, there were several skateboards in our family. Cheap plastic ones in an array of colors and one sturdy, heavy-gauge aluminum version in shiny, electric blue. Some neighborhood friends had wooden boards or longer sidewalk surfer boards. None were fancy or expensive. We were just middle class kids hanging out, hot-dogging, practicing this trick or that. Once the 80s hit, skateboard culture exploded and I caught the fever. I loved the boards, the fashion, the style. I didn't ride, though, or even have my own modern board. So, why did I gravitate toward skating? The coolness, the freedom? Sure. That's skateboarding's legacy. But it was also the simplicity.

Me and a board. Push off, pump the leg, glide. Fresh air all around, wheels turning, whirring, clacking on the pavement. I can actually feel myself moving forward, hear it. Riding toward my future. And the truth is all one has to do to conjure this sensation is to see a board. Which is why Surf to Skate stopped me in my unpacking tracks. I had to take a minute and sit down and remember that

getting where I need to go can be a pretty simple ride.

With freedom, books, 
flowers, and the moon, 
who could not be happy?

oscar wilde

i mean...

hillary: i see you

Forty-two days until the election,

six and a half hours until the first debate.

Good luck tonight, Hillary.

hillary: i see you

 51 days until Election Day

Hillary Rodham met Bill Clinton in 1971. What strikes me about their story is the admission that they were attracted to the other's confidence. Smarts. Spirit. With this kind of attraction, a partnership can survive a variety of challenges, even the push-pull of success. While one steps into the spotlight, the other accepts the supporting role, and at a later point in time, they'll switch places. This trade-off can happen many times over before the pair recognizes the cycle. And the cycle doesn't exclude upset or disappointment or failure. But tough times only spark new beginnings and fresh starts. Did these two somehow know there would be amazing high points and heart-breaking lows? Did they know that controversy often turns up when one's large and small moments are lived in full view? I'd say that in some subtle, nuanced way they did understand their future. Especially Hillary. Things were changing for women..things NEEDED to change for women...but the writing was on the wall. It was going to be a rough-go and she would soon be a politician's wife. In the south. Where women were expected to look, sound, and behave a certain way. Hillary decided to go forward anyway, which says something about the heart and the soul of a woman. She must've believed she could have love, a family, and be an equal partner in marriage. And work. And life. But what would her turn in the spotlight look like? Certainly it was difficult to know for sure, and she probably didn't anticipate how troublesome center stage would be for a person who prefers behind-the-scenes work to star performances. Still, Hillary has always had vision. Confident, intelligent, spirited vision. And as the campaigns roll on, I hope this unique and powerful part of her story gets more focus. Because vision always trumps drama. 

hillary: i see you

The zinnia is often called the hardest working flower in the garden. It's also one of the most long-lasting as a cut flower. If Hillary Clinton were a flower, she'd be a zinnia.

Today, once again, the transparency of HRC's campaign is under scrutiny, but this time because of Hillary's health. They ask:

Why didn't she shout from the rooftops that she has pneumonia?

Why didn't she tell the world why she was leaving an event early?

And after her campaign announced she overheated, why didn't she stop and explain it all to reporters?

As a woman who wakes up everyday to symptoms of chronic illness...

As a woman who aims to do what needs doing despite those symptoms...

As a woman who doesn't want to be judged or defined by my aches and pains...

As a woman who sometimes pushes too hard and stumbles, who then must rest...

I take great offense to this so-called news story regarding Hillary's health.

In the end, anyone who is suspicious of why Hillary wouldn't admit to pneumonia, overheating, or any other passing ailment, only needs to look at the response by the media and her opponents to understand why Hillary kept quiet. Immediately it had legs as a mystery, a cover-up. Is she too weak and unfit to work? This is the same ridiculous, outdated, and sexist judgment that women across history have had to endure when their wellness falters.

For some perspective, consider this:

As a young singer, Cyndi Lauper, pushed her voice to the point of damage. For years, she struggled with resting, as her vocal coach advised, and it took time to accept her limits. She kept this problem secret for most of her career, and now 68, she admits that she continued to overdo it from time to time because she didn't want to be dismissed as incapable. The good news is she still tours today, singing her heart out, but with control and wisdom.

Or this:

A few years ago, I heard Judy Blume speak at a writing conference. She explained how, as young woman, she had frustrating and debilitating chronic pain. She carried on, as a wife, a mother, and even took up writing. Eventually, she came out on the other side of illness and she credits the continued pursuit of her creative goals. Later, she overcame both cervical and breast cancer, and with each of these illnesses, she didn't go public until it felt right to do so. Today, Blume is 78 and just published another book.

I could list many other examples of modern woman, aging woman, woman who get sick from time to time, who keep going, who stop and rest, who don't tell the whole goddamned world their private health business, and all these women end up succeeding at what they set out to accomplish.

So, dear skeptics, back off. Give us room. Because illnesses come and go, but the bright bloom of our efforts last and last and last.

hillary: i see you

59 days until
Election Day

Feet, What do
I need you for
when I have
wings to fly?

Frida Kahlo

the capacity for hope is the

most significant fact of life.

it provides human beings

with a sense of destination

and the energy to get started.

norman cousins

hillary: i see you

61 days until Election Day

To be nobody-but-yourself in a world

which is doing it best,

night and day,

to make you everybody but yourself

--means to fight the hardest battle

which any human being can fight--

and never stop fighting.

E.E. Cummings

photo credit: Sygma/Corbis

hillary: i see you

62 days until Election Day

We can start now, start slowly, changing the world. How lovely that everyone, great and small, can make a contribution toward introducing justice straightaway. And you can always, always give something, even if it is only kindness.

Anne Frank

photo credit: Sygma/Corbis

petit

biscuit.

so

sweet.

hillary: i see you

66 days until Election Day

In 1965, Hillary began her freshman year at Wellesley College. She ended up serving as the President of the Wellesley Young Republicans, but by her junior year her views became more liberal and Democratic. Still, unlike many youth in the 60s, who adopted the stance of radical activism, Hillary decided on affecting change from within and joined student government. 

When she graduated in 1969, she became the first student to speak at a commencement, receiving a long standing ovation. This gained some media coverage, which she handled well. Learning this, I was struck by a thought:

It's said that Hillary's work ethic and drive for positive change are innate, but it's also nice to find early examples where she so successfully presented herself to her audience. To the public. Why? Because today, there are questions like:

Where is she? Is she hiding from the current opposition and criticisms? Or is she avoiding the public because she's unwell, frail? Or does she care more about fundraising than answering to her audiences or the press?

My guess is she's doing what's innate to her...working hard to make great changes from within.

Look, the truth about Hillary Clinton is written in her past. She has little patience for nonsense (like continued alarm over emails or sexist acquisitions about her health) and she'll probably always be more comfortable in small groups than large gatherings. And because colleagues on both sides of the aisle describe her fair-minded nature and good sense of humor while doing business with her, it seems foolish to worry about her public image. Or the fundraising. Because, for the moment, the political process includes spending money and at least she does what needs doing, liking it or not, so she can get on with winning an election we need her to win.

rainbows: everywhere

one farmer's market bag

bursting with color
made with leftover yarn
and a rainbow spirt
by a favorite knitter

(click here to see more)

conversations with max & zan

We grew up in the 70s. Came of age in the 80s.

It was rad. So rad, we often talk about how rad it all was.

So you know, we edit, but never censor. Not language or ideas or emotion.

In this edition: Stranger Things

Max: Hello?

Zan: Hi. We’re into Stranger Things—way in—and through episode six. I’m still processing, but early eval equals love.

Max: Told you.

Zan: After episode one, I wanted to hang with the four boys immediately. I like the Sheriff. And the 80s set decoration, fashion, food, games give it depth. Allow for that mystery I was talking about last time—not enough technology to have all the info. Love that. All the family dynamics were good too. Science teacher was awesome. Barb was AMAZING—in her two minutes on film. Winona was, well, Winona—her acting leaves me scratching my head. It’s like, non-acting acting. Which, I guess, is a style.

Max: She got better, though, right?

Zan: The brother—liked him a lot—he made Winona’s character more believable.

Max: What else did you like?

Zan: I thought the ending of episode one was fantastic…the boys finding the girl in the rain. So good.

Max: I want to carry the curly-haired speech impediment boy around in my pocket forever. He’s my favoritie.

Zan: God, right? I like all the sarcasm. I like that the kids cuss. This is my big problem with middle grade characters—in books or films—they’re so washed out today. Hey, world, starting in at least fifth grade, kids cuss like adults. And they’re just words. Relax. Anywho, I liked the abducted boy too. His face when he was waiting for the thing to come through the shed door? Brave in spite of his fear. He wasn’t giving up. Such good kid spirit—in all the boys.

Max: Okay, this is more than I expected. I would’ve felt terrible if you hadn’t liked it.

Zan: So, question: Hopper and the mom know, Nancy and the older bro know, the three boys and Eleven know, but when are they gonna join forces? And by the way, if this doesn’t have a happy ending, I’m gonna be pissed. If both Will and Barb aren’t alive? Well, shit. In any event, we think it’s gotten better with every episode. See a few flaws, but overall it’s money.

Max: I only have one huge problem with it, but it’ll have to wait until you’re finished. Spoiler.

A few days later:

Max: Hello, Zan. It’s hot as balls here.

Zan: Hello, Max. It’s raining here. Lots. And also… Why didn’t you tell me so many threads would be left dangling at the end of Stranger Things? This is only the first season, right? There will be another season, right?

Max: Chill, little addicted one.

Zan: But what is Hop doing? Where is Eleven? What is Will coughing up?

Max: I have my own questions.

Zan: Go.

Max: Why in the hell didn’t the sheriff and Mrs. Byers take Eleven back to her family immediately? They all lost children, so what the fuck? I mean, all Eleven wanted was to go to the snowball and eat eggos? Damn it.

Zan: Oh my god. I didn’t even think of that. You’re right. That’s fucked. They should’ve taken her to her family. But wait…

Max: What?

Zan: I’m thinking of something Pete said after we watched the episode with Eleven’s aunt. How they set us up for no answers by making the mom damaged and the aunt jaded and disbelieving. And truly, Eleven’s mom? She wasn’t exactly in the right state of mind to care for Eleven.

Max: Well, it’s better than death.

Zan: Eleven’s not dead. She’s hiding out in the upside down and Hop has the secret to get her out. For now, he has to provide for her, feed her.

Max: Oh, I didn’t realize you wrote it.

Zan: Listen, smartass, you got me into this and there better be a season two.

Max: I promised nothing.

Zan: Max, I need a season two.

Max: Zan, I’ll wish and hope for it…as much and hard as I can.

Zan: Thanks.

Max: Word.

rainbows: everywhere

magnificent: trousers, coat, hat

conversations with max & zan

We grew up in the 70s. Came of age in the 80s.

It was rad. So rad, we often talk about how rad it all was.

So you know, we edit, but never censor. Not language or ideas or emotion.

In this edition: TV, Movies, Little Darlings

Zan: Okay. So. Have you noticed how many OnDemand networks have shows set in the 70s and 80s? Do we love this? Whether we watch the shows or not. Or does this water down 80s culture?

Max: Well, in some cases, absolutely. It’s the ones that make fun of the 80s, you know? Big hair, Madonna posters, blah, blah, blah. Those leave us empty. That’s why you must watch Stranger Things. It’s like it was made in the 80s, not made about the 80s. Huge difference.

Zan: Right. The one we’re watching, Red Oaks, is a betweener. Definitely has an 80s feel versus being about the 80s, but it’s lacking slightly on the feeling it was made in the 80s. So, what shows did we love back then? I feel like it’s an endless list. Three’s Company, Taxi, Too Close for Comfort, Family Ties. The Cosby Show—hold the jokes, please. We must give respect to the actors beyond Cosby who made that show so. Fucking. Awesome.

Max: Truth. And speaking of… The Facts of Life. I bought the first season, with Molly Ringwald and the bigger cast. Do you remember that the first episode has Blair accusing one of the others of being a lesbian? I didn’t remember that at all from the first go-round! Too young, I guess. Have I mentioned I’d like to have a Facts of Life party? But I’d just end up with a bunch of Jo-s.

Zan: Hil. Arious.

Max: You’d have a bunch of Blair-s.

Zan: I don’t want to be Blair. I want to be the chick with the braids. Molly R’s best friend, I think. And for the record, about six months ago, I binge-watched most of that first season online. I must’ve missed the pilot though, because I don’t recall the lesbian plot line. Kind of edgy for the time, but important—if it had the right message. At any rate, those episodes remind me of Little Darlings. The movie with Kristy McNichol and Tatum O’Neal. Loved—loved, loved—that movie. Like, loved it a lot.

Max: Okay, let’s unwrap all this. First, to clarify, I meant that if you had a Facts of Life party your guests would be a bunch of Blair-s, not that you’re a Blair.

Zan: Thank you. I think.

Max: Sure. Second, the girl with the pigtails is the one Blair accused of being gay. Thirdly, I can’t find Little Darlings anywhere. Apparently there’s a copyright dispute or some shit. And finally, I’m going to put this on a t-shirt.

Zan: Nice. And yes, I’ve tried to find LD too. So frustrating and stupid. But you missed something in the unwrapping process. What happened with Blair accusing Braids of being a lesbian? Was the message gay-friendly or homophobic?

Max: Disappointing ending… Braids puts on a dress and goes to a dance and something about a boy. Boo.

Zan: That sucks. But I think I remember the episode now. The message was more don’t-judge-the-tomboy. Wait. I want to look this up. Hold please.

Okay, yep, here Wiki tells us that critics thought the message was confusing. On one hand, Cindy (Braids) is told to be herself. On the other, everyone seems relieved when she falls for a guy during Harvest Fair. What do we expect, I guess. It was 1979, but still… Boo, for sure. On a high note, look how fucking cute Kristy and Tatum are in that poster. It’d be a great shirt.

Max: Indeed.

Zan: So I’m thinking about this tomboy thing. In LD, Kristy plays the tomboy, the tough one, and the movie’s premise is virginity as a competition. But they didn’t go down the lesbian path, as far as I remember. Which is interesting, because like Facts, LD featured fifteen year-olds, several of whom were cast as feminine and boy-crazy. So why not go there? Is this an 80s construct? Tomboy: not afraid of anything, including sex, OR tomboy: lesbian. Meanwhile other girls—feminine girls—could be anything, except gay. Message there? Feminine equals never gay, tomboy equals probably gay. Because there’s always the chance, right, that the tomboy will “grow out of it”? This might not be a thing of the past, now that I think about it. I mean, besides rare cases, isn’t the current tomboy only smart, nerdy, or athletic until they embrace femininity? Then they become sexy. And acceptable.

Max: Maybe. Remember Who’s the Boss? Alyssa Milano was all tomboy until that one episode where she girly-girls it up for a dance. As for today, it seems like if a girl is a tomboy talk turns to gender identity. Meaning people ask: is she transgender?

Zan: I forgot about Milano’s character as a tomboy. Another case of tomboy-ism cured by the dance…or a dress or boy. Ugh. It seems this is an issue for tomboys and lesbians alike, but transgender girls have whole other battles to fight. Double ugh.

Max: You know, I was so jealous of boys and how easy they seemed to have it. Jeans, t-shirts, messy hair. No pressure to be pretty or anything. I hated my big boobs and gross body. I think, if it had been an option, I would’ve wanted to identify as transgender. Not because I truly believed I was a boy, but because it would’ve been easier than being in a body I disliked.

Zan: But disliking your body and feeling you’re in the “wrong” body are different things. As I understand it, transgender folks feel a deep sense of being in the “wrong” body from a young age. You didn’t feel that, right?

Max: No, but for lots of reasons, including not fitting the cultural image of what a girl should want or be, I would’ve liked a way out of my body. I mean, I don’t think most women understand who they are until their sexual prime, and because of that, a lot of lesbians only come out of the closet in their thirties and forties. Makes sense. This is when we start to accept ourselves for who we are, what we look like, how we’re made. Before that though, don’t we wish for the easy way?

Zan: I think I’m getting your point. As children, we aren’t emotionally equipped to have a full understanding of the differences between sexual orientation and gender identification, and in the 70s and 80s, there were mixed messages about sex, but no one was talking about gender. If they had been, it could, to a child, seem like a choice between gay and identifying as the gender that looks more appealing, for whatever reason.

Max: Right. Try to remember being ten years old and all the silly ideas you had about what you would do when you grew up. If being able to become a boy—grow up looking like a boy, acting like a boy—was a choice, I wouldn’t have thought that was a silly solution for why I felt different. In the moment, it would’ve solved my dilemma with being a tomboy or feeling unfeminine and that would’ve felt like a wonderful, indulgent thing. Now, I’m completely happy with my gender. Still jealous of boys at times.

Zan: Well put. And this is why gender equality is a hot button issue for me. Girls’ and women’s experiences are different, but the definition of feminine fucks with all of us. I mean, once I stopped being petrified of boys I wanted them to see me as a girl, like me as a girl. But see and like me as the girl I was—a mostly ungirly girl. The deal is, I’ve always been fine with my girl bod and my girl traits. Where I disconnect—from childhood until now—is with girl experiences. Also, girl health has been a big obstacle for me. As you know, I’ve never felt particularly connected to my uterus, ovaries, et cetera. I don’t blame or shame them. I just always hoped for more cooperation.

Max: The health stuff just fucking sucks.

Zan: Is there such thing as transhormonal?

Max: Wow. You’re asking the wrong person. I’m too hormonally unstable to think straight.

Zan: Ha. We should form a club. Oh, the club already exists. It’s called perimenopause. So, I strayed off topic again. To get back, here’s a question… Which character in Little Darlings do you most identify with?

Max: Check it.

Zan: I love her. She was an After School Special regular. I’m IMBDing her.

Max: Me too.

Zan: Here she is… Alexa Kenin.

Max: Oh no.

Zan and Max: She died.

Zan: Right before Pretty in Pink came out.

Max: That sucks. Now that I’m reading this, I do remember her in P in P. The badass friend.

Zan: Oh, she was the badass in P in P? You have an amazing memory for pop culture. Who was she in LD?

Max: In LD she was the voice of reason throughout. And I would never participate in a bet about losing your virginity, so I feel I’m the most like that character.

Zan: I do remember liking that there were girls who questioned the bet. I remember being scared for Ferris (O’Neal) and Angel (McNichol) because I knew one or both would get burned. Which explains why I always relate to whichever character is the most scared of or most reasonable about boys. I couldn’t have played the tough or cute one because I’d NEVER take the bet. I would’ve been glad to be viewed as a chicken, teased endlessly, mocked even. Those things I could handle. Anything to avoid a weird confrontation with a boy. By the way, what does it say about me that I always want to be the supporting cast?

Max: Well, we’re alike that way. I’d always take the supporting role. They’re usually liked more anyway. Ferris and Angel were definitely larger than life. Very intimidating.

Zan: Yes, that’s the exact right word. Intimidating. So, next question… If there’s a time machine and you can go back and be a star-for-a-day on any 80s sitcom or movie, which do you choose?

Max: I’d be Watts in Some Kind of Wonderful. Minus the crush on Eric Stoltz. Yuck. The movie I’d absolutely not want to be part of is Ferris Bueller’s Day Off. I fucking hated that movie.

Zan: First, I have a love/hate thing with Ferris B. It has a good 80s feel. The sister is awesome. And I love the teachers and the school secretary. Yes, she’s a secretary. A double-awesome secretary.

“Oh, he's very popular Ed. The sportos, the motorheads, geeks, sluts, bloods, wastoids, dweebies, dickheads - they all adore him. They think he's a righteous dude.”

So good. Anyway, I also heart Cameron. But I hate Ferris. He’s a used car salesman with good style and smarts. He’s a terrible friend and sexist to boot. As for Watts in Some Kind? Great pick, man.

And Eureka! Finally a film where the boy comes running to the tomboy…no dress, no dance…just a guy running to a gal in all her tomboy glory. I get why you’d nix him though.

Max: He’s just such a twat in that movie. I don’t really like him in anything.

Zan: I kinda agree. Except I think what’s-his-face in P in P is more of a mealy-mouthed douche. I wish Andy/Molly would’ve told him to fuck off at the end, at the prom.

Max: Here’s another reason why you must watch Stranger Things. The teen romance elements are realistic, stay true to the characters, and don’t ruin the story line. I think you’ll like Barb.

Zan: Gawd, peer pressure, what’s up? But okay. I’ll watch it. I’ve heard good things anyway. The trailer vibed Close Encounters to me. Which I liked. Along with all the kid/teen characters. Very E.T. To me, this is the thing remakes lack—that sense of mystery and hope that existed in the 80s. Today everything can be explained. I don’t know why I’m thinking of it, but the example that comes to mind are the Charlie’s Angels movies set in present day. Crime-solving women were just different in the 70s and 80s.

Max: The new Angels movies are pretty terrible, but I watch anything with Barrymore because she’s my wife and I support everything she does. Smile here. Of course, I loved the original angels. In fact, I went through a trading card phase—mostly 70s and 80s non-sports cards—and I have quite a few Charlie’s Angels first series. So cool.

Zan: Truly cool.

Max: But let’s talk about Christian Slater.

Zan: Oookay…

Max: You must agree that many otherwise amazing films have been jacked up because Slater was in them.

Zan: He ruined the skater movie for sure. Plus, he always has a look on his face like, “I might say something smart, but wait. No. On second thought, I won’t.”

Max: Tried too hard to be Jack Nicholson.

Zan: Yes! I was just gonna say that. Oh! It just came to me… Gleaming the Cube. That was the skater movie. Slater aside, it had a lame plot line too. I’m pretty sure I walked out on that movie.

Max: I feel like I only saw the first fifteen minutes.

Zan: Max. We must’ve gone together. I feel like whoever I was with also knew how horrible the thing was about to become and didn’t care about walking out and losing the cash we’d paid for the ticket. Better than watching a shitty movie.

Max: Absolutely better.

Zan: Listen, I gotta sign off.

Max: Me too. Mommy duties call. But look, get in front of that TV and watch Stranger Things.

Zan: Well, stranger things have happened.

Max: Very funny. Now, go.