We grew up in the 70s. Came of age in the 80s.
It was rad. So rad, we often talk about how rad it all was.
So you know, we edit, but never censor. Not language or ideas or emotion.
In this edition: TV, Movies, Little Darlings
Zan: Okay. So. Have
you noticed how many OnDemand networks have shows set in the 70s and 80s? Do we
love this? Whether we watch the shows or not. Or does this water down 80s
culture?
Max: Well, in
some cases, absolutely. It’s the ones that make fun of the 80s, you know? Big
hair, Madonna posters, blah, blah, blah. Those leave us empty. That’s why you
must watch Stranger Things. It’s like
it was made in the 80s, not made about
the 80s. Huge difference.
Zan: Right. The
one we’re watching, Red Oaks, is a
betweener. Definitely has an 80s feel versus being about the 80s, but it’s lacking
slightly on the feeling it was made
in the 80s. So, what shows did we love back then? I feel like it’s an endless
list. Three’s Company, Taxi, Too Close for Comfort,
Family Ties. The Cosby Show—hold
the jokes, please. We must give respect to the actors beyond Cosby who made
that show so. Fucking. Awesome.
Max: Truth. And
speaking of… The Facts of Life. I bought
the first season, with Molly Ringwald and the bigger cast. Do you remember that
the first episode has Blair accusing one of the others of being a lesbian? I
didn’t remember that at all from the first go-round! Too young, I guess. Have I
mentioned I’d like to have a Facts of Life party? But I’d just end up with a
bunch of Jo-s.
Zan: Hil.
Arious.
Max: You’d have
a bunch of Blair-s.
Zan: I don’t
want to be Blair. I want to be the chick with the braids. Molly R’s best
friend, I think. And for the record, about six months ago, I binge-watched most
of that first season online. I must’ve missed the pilot though, because I don’t
recall the lesbian plot line. Kind of edgy for the time, but important—if it
had the right message. At any rate, those episodes remind me of Little Darlings. The movie with Kristy
McNichol and Tatum O’Neal. Loved—loved, loved—that movie. Like, loved it a lot.
Max: Okay, let’s
unwrap all this. First, to clarify, I meant that if you had a Facts of Life
party your guests would be a bunch of Blair-s, not that you’re a Blair.
Zan: Thank you.
I think.
Max: Sure.
Second, the girl with the pigtails is the one Blair accused of being gay.
Thirdly, I can’t find Little Darlings
anywhere. Apparently there’s a copyright dispute or some shit. And finally, I’m
going to put this on a t-shirt.
Zan: Nice. And
yes, I’ve tried to find LD too. So
frustrating and stupid. But you missed something in the unwrapping process.
What happened with Blair accusing Braids of being a lesbian? Was the message
gay-friendly or homophobic?
Max:
Disappointing ending… Braids puts on a dress and goes to a dance and something
about a boy. Boo.
Zan: That sucks.
But I think I remember the episode now. The message was more don’t-judge-the-tomboy.
Wait. I want to look this up. Hold please.
Okay, yep, here
Wiki tells us that critics thought the message was confusing. On one hand,
Cindy (Braids) is told to be herself. On the other, everyone seems relieved
when she falls for a guy during Harvest Fair. What do we expect, I guess. It
was 1979, but still… Boo, for sure. On a high note, look how fucking cute
Kristy and Tatum are in that poster. It’d be a great shirt.
Max: Indeed.
Zan: So I’m
thinking about this tomboy thing. In LD,
Kristy plays the tomboy, the tough one, and the movie’s premise is virginity as
a competition. But they didn’t go down the lesbian path, as far as I remember.
Which is interesting, because like Facts,
LD featured
fifteen year-olds, several of whom were cast as feminine and boy-crazy. So why
not go there? Is this an 80s construct? Tomboy: not afraid of anything,
including sex, OR tomboy: lesbian. Meanwhile
other girls—feminine girls—could be anything, except gay. Message there?
Feminine equals never gay, tomboy equals probably gay. Because there’s always
the chance, right, that the tomboy will “grow out of it”? This might not be a
thing of the past, now that I think about it. I mean, besides rare cases, isn’t
the current tomboy only smart, nerdy, or athletic until they embrace
femininity? Then they become sexy. And acceptable.
Max: Maybe.
Remember Who’s the Boss? Alyssa
Milano was all tomboy until that one episode where she girly-girls it up for a
dance. As for today, it seems like if a girl is a tomboy talk turns to gender
identity. Meaning people ask: is she transgender?
Zan: I forgot
about Milano’s character as a tomboy. Another case of tomboy-ism cured by the
dance…or a dress or boy. Ugh. It seems this is an issue for tomboys and
lesbians alike, but transgender girls have whole other battles to fight. Double
ugh.
Max: You know, I
was so jealous of boys and how easy they seemed to have it. Jeans, t-shirts,
messy hair. No pressure to be pretty or anything. I hated my big boobs and
gross body. I think, if it had been an option, I would’ve wanted to identify as
transgender. Not because I truly believed I was a boy, but because it would’ve been
easier than being in a body I disliked.
Zan: But
disliking your body and feeling you’re in the “wrong” body are different
things. As I understand it, transgender folks feel a deep sense of being in the
“wrong” body from a young age. You didn’t feel that, right?
Max: No, but for
lots of reasons, including not fitting the cultural image of what a girl should
want or be, I would’ve liked a way out of my body. I mean, I don’t think most
women understand who they are until their sexual prime, and because of that, a
lot of lesbians only come out of the closet in their thirties and forties.
Makes sense. This is when we start to accept ourselves for who we are, what we
look like, how we’re made. Before that though, don’t we wish for the easy way?
Zan: I think I’m
getting your point. As children, we aren’t emotionally equipped to have a full
understanding of the differences between sexual orientation and gender
identification, and in the 70s and 80s, there were mixed messages about sex,
but no one was talking about gender.
If they had been, it could, to a child, seem like a choice between gay and
identifying as the gender that looks more appealing, for whatever reason.
Max: Right. Try
to remember being ten years old and all the silly ideas you had about what you
would do when you grew up. If being able to become a boy—grow up looking like a
boy, acting like a boy—was a choice, I wouldn’t have thought that was a silly
solution for why I felt different. In the moment, it would’ve solved my dilemma
with being a tomboy or feeling unfeminine and that would’ve felt like a
wonderful, indulgent thing. Now, I’m completely happy with my gender. Still jealous
of boys at times.
Zan: Well put.
And this is why gender equality is a hot button issue for me. Girls’ and women’s
experiences are different, but the definition of feminine fucks with all of us.
I mean, once I stopped being petrified of boys I wanted them to see me as a
girl, like me as a girl. But see and like me as the girl I was—a mostly ungirly
girl. The deal is, I’ve always been fine with my girl bod and my girl traits.
Where I disconnect—from childhood until now—is with girl experiences. Also,
girl health has been a big obstacle for me. As you know, I’ve never felt
particularly connected to my uterus, ovaries, et cetera. I don’t blame or shame
them. I just always hoped for more cooperation.
Max: The health
stuff just fucking sucks.
Zan: Is there
such thing as transhormonal?
Max: Wow. You’re
asking the wrong person. I’m too hormonally unstable to think straight.
Zan: Ha. We
should form a club. Oh, the club already exists. It’s called perimenopause. So,
I strayed off topic again. To get back, here’s a question… Which character in Little Darlings do you most identify
with?
Max: Check
it.
Zan: I love her.
She was an After School Special regular. I’m IMBDing her.
Max: Me too.
Zan: Here she
is… Alexa Kenin.
Max: Oh no.
Zan and Max: She
died.
Zan: Right
before Pretty in Pink came out.
Max: That sucks.
Now that I’m reading this, I do remember her in P in P. The badass friend.
Zan: Oh, she was
the badass in P in P? You have an
amazing memory for pop culture. Who was she in LD?
Max: In LD she was the voice of reason
throughout. And I would never participate in a bet about losing your virginity, so I
feel I’m the most like that character.
Zan: I do
remember liking that there were girls who questioned the bet. I remember being
scared for Ferris (O’Neal) and Angel (McNichol) because I knew one or both
would get burned. Which explains why I always relate to whichever character is
the most scared of or most reasonable about boys. I couldn’t have played the
tough or cute one because I’d NEVER take the bet. I would’ve been glad to be
viewed as a chicken, teased endlessly, mocked even. Those things I could
handle. Anything to avoid a weird confrontation with a boy. By the way, what
does it say about me that I always want to be the supporting cast?
Max: Well, we’re
alike that way. I’d always take the supporting role. They’re usually liked more
anyway. Ferris and Angel were definitely larger than life. Very intimidating.
Zan: Yes, that’s
the exact right word. Intimidating. So, next question… If there’s a time
machine and you can go back and be a star-for-a-day on any 80s sitcom or movie,
which do you choose?
Max: I’d be
Watts in Some Kind of Wonderful.
Minus the crush on Eric Stoltz. Yuck. The movie I’d absolutely not want to be
part of is Ferris Bueller’s Day Off.
I fucking hated that movie.
Zan: First, I
have a love/hate thing with Ferris B. It has a good 80s feel. The sister is
awesome. And I love the teachers and the school secretary. Yes, she’s a
secretary. A double-awesome
secretary.
“Oh, he's very popular Ed. The sportos, the motorheads,
geeks, sluts, bloods, wastoids, dweebies, dickheads - they all adore him. They
think he's a righteous dude.”
So
good. Anyway, I also heart Cameron. But I hate Ferris. He’s a used car salesman
with good style and smarts. He’s a terrible friend and sexist to boot. As for
Watts in Some Kind? Great pick, man.
And Eureka! Finally a
film where the boy comes running to the tomboy…no dress, no dance…just a guy
running to a gal in all her tomboy glory. I get why you’d nix him though.
Max: He’s just
such a twat in that movie. I don’t really like him in anything.
Zan: I kinda
agree. Except I think what’s-his-face in P
in P is more of a mealy-mouthed douche. I wish Andy/Molly would’ve told him
to fuck off at the end, at the prom.
Max: Here’s
another reason why you must watch Stranger
Things. The teen romance elements are realistic, stay true to the
characters, and don’t ruin the story line. I think you’ll like Barb.
Zan: Gawd, peer pressure, what’s up? But okay. I’ll watch it. I’ve heard good things
anyway. The trailer vibed Close
Encounters to me. Which I liked. Along with all the kid/teen characters.
Very E.T. To me, this is the thing
remakes lack—that sense of mystery and hope that existed in the 80s. Today
everything can be explained. I don’t know why I’m thinking of it, but the
example that comes to mind are the Charlie’s
Angels movies set in present day. Crime-solving women were just different
in the 70s and 80s.
Max: The new Angels movies are pretty terrible, but I
watch anything with Barrymore because she’s my wife and I support everything
she does. Smile here. Of course, I loved the original angels. In fact, I went
through a trading card phase—mostly 70s and 80s non-sports cards—and I have
quite a few Charlie’s Angels first
series. So cool.
Zan: Truly cool.
Max: But let’s
talk about Christian Slater.
Zan: Oookay…
Max: You must
agree that many otherwise amazing films have been jacked up because Slater was
in them.
Zan: He ruined
the skater movie for sure. Plus, he always has a look on his face like, “I
might say something smart, but wait. No. On second thought, I won’t.”
Max: Tried too
hard to be Jack Nicholson.
Zan: Yes! I was
just gonna say that. Oh! It just came to me… Gleaming the Cube. That was the skater movie. Slater aside, it had
a lame plot line too. I’m pretty sure I walked out on that movie.
Max: I feel like
I only saw the first fifteen minutes.
Zan: Max. We
must’ve gone together. I feel like whoever I was with also knew how horrible
the thing was about to become and didn’t care about walking out and losing the
cash we’d paid for the ticket. Better than watching a shitty movie.
Max: Absolutely
better.
Zan: Listen, I
gotta sign off.
Max: Me too.
Mommy duties call. But look, get in front of that TV and watch Stranger Things.
Zan: Well,
stranger things have happened.
Max: Very funny.
Now, go.